Second Baby Jitters

My feelings on sleep deprivation, as expressed by a toddler.

While I did learn a thing or two from Wildman’s birth, his whole L&D is a little blurry. I attribute this to a number of factors. The first being, you’re not “supposed to” remember all the details. At least, that’s what my friends and I have decided – otherwise, you’d never want to have another child again.

A long, sleepless multi-day labor probably didn’t help my memory either. My contractions started on a Friday and Wildman was born on Tuesday morning. I think I slept in 20-minute intervals, at most throughout that timeframe.

Lastly, my first epidural failed because it migrated into my epidural space. Before redoing it, the anesthesiologist gave me something else for the pain (I think Demerol?) with little explanation of what I was receiving. I desatted and passed out very briefly before my OBGYN friend who was in the room told him very nicely that he better get his shit together and re-do my epidural once I recovered.

Luckily, I remember enough about the experience to know what to expect in regards to pain and what goes down once I’m admitted to the labor and delivery unit. I’m not so much afraid of the pain or what’s going to happen in the hospital. My feelings and fears leading up Baby Girl’s delivery are more about how our family dynamic will change. It’s funny, I know my husband will continue to be an amazing parent, so why can’t I have that same confidence in myself?

Here’s what’s plaguing me…

  1. I feel guilty that Wildman’s nursery was complete and ready for him by the time I was 7-months pregnant. We’re now less than 30 days out, and we still don’t have all of Baby Girl’s furniture built or decor up. (Don’t even get me started on how much I want to scrub every inch of this house, yet I get so tired 10-minutes in)…
  2. It’s hard for me to imagine loving more than I already do. I know moms say your heart grows with each child. Heck, before Wildman, I couldn’t image loving anyone as hard as I loved my husband and dog, so it has to be true, right?
  3. I’m scared that I won’t be the best mom I can be to TWO kids at once. I’m afraid my attention can’t be split evenly and Wildman will feel left out.
  4. I’m terrified of sleep deprivation again. I pray that I will have enough energy to be fun and stimulating enough for my toddler, so we don’t run into any major regressions.
  5. I’m nervous about juggling work and parenting. I’m SO excited that I have some new opportunities in the pipeline, along with regular clients. I know I won’t overbook myself, because I’m already conscious and careful about balancing parenting and workload. However, I don’t want to put my business on hold for too long.

So there you have it. Second-time parents still have a fear of the unknown, although the unknowns this time are a little different. Any tips or advice on adding to our brood?


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